Rewiring My Stress Response: How Meditation Transformed My Life
Living in a fast-paced world with technology, artificial intelligence, virtual reality and so on, I often feel overwhelmed and honestly, I find it hard to keep up with all of it as a woman in my 40’s. I am a mom of three young children, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, an artist, art therapy practitioner, sound healing facilitator and more, I often feel swamped and always running after time. I used to be very hands-on with my kids’ school activities, doing regular playdates and always trying to be present for everyone’s needs around me until I felt burnt out and often sick.
I realised that I was never truly relaxed, and my mind would keep racing. This was because in my mind, I had an extensive list of chores that will never see the end of the day. Then in my mind I would feel frustrated, unproductive and not good enough. The next day, I would try to finish what was on my earlier list, while trying to do the next list of the day which was still brewing in my mind.
At the end, I would be left feeling overwhelmed, mentally exhausted, and emotionally drained. I did not have enough energy to give, and I would be edgy. Consciously, I was aware of the lack of energy within and not happy with myself. Because deep down, I knew I could do better, but I was just on constant stress but unaware of the feeling of being that stressed.
It became a normal way to be. I was never truly relaxed as I would overthink things. I would take my list of unfinished business in my bed, when I am supposed to relax, sleep, and heal on the emotional, mental, and physical level. Waking up in the morning, I would still feel exhausted because I have not had a restorative sleep. Furthermore, the first thing that would come to my mind, is my list of chores again. This became like a vicious circle where I would go into loops of never-ending thoughts, trying to do my mental checklists.
Having practised meditation for the past 28 years, it has helped me have clarity on a certain level regarding my behaviour, thoughts, and words. But never have I deeply understood things on the biological level until I did my meditation course. We tackled the impact of stress on our health, and I learnt how to fully relax my body and became aware of each and every part of it. At first, I thought this exercise is too simple for me, having meditated for so long. But it turned out that my ego was wrong. It was exactly what I needed to do, to deeply connect with myself. I never realised how much thoughts were occupying my mind and exhausting me.
By becoming aware of my overthinking and relaxing my thoughts, I was able to detach from them and became more of an observer of my own drama. I connected even more to my body, thoughts, emotions, and spirit. It was enlightening to say the least as I also had the tool to use when I overthink: I would simply do some breathing exercises and or a full body relaxation to get out of the stress, also known as fight and the flight mode. Instead of having a list in my mind, I would write things down in a notebook or on my phone. I also became more aware of and acknowledged all the things I was doing, even though they were not on the list, but they still counted.
Doing the full body relaxation, I can now sleep deeper, and I feel more energised. Besides, by connecting on a deeper level with my body, I respect how it feels without overdoing it and I understand the cues my body gives me in connection/relation to my thoughts and emotions. I am a more relaxed person and organised now. Whenever I feel, the stress is starting to overwhelm me, I am more aware of it, and I take a breather. In this way, I can connect more with people around me, making me a better person to be around with and within.
